Tuesday June 7, 2011

Workout: 30DS + 2 miles
Friends: The One With The Engagement Pictures


Both workouts were fine.  I slept so great last night... and I didn't have to get up early to work out because it is summer break!  So I worked out at 7 - SO nice!  I think I would prefer to get started between 6 & 6:30, but I couldn't get myself out of bed that early this morning.  


Neck is still incredibly sore and stiff.  Dave massaged it last night and it didn't help at all.  I took some back pain pills this morning and it is still sore, but I can at least turn my head now. Hamster is still hanging on for dear life.  I've given him permission to go, but apparently he doesn't care about what I say.  Dave and I have gone round and round about what is the best thing to do for him - he wants to poison him, but I can't stand the thought of that.  So ultimately, he thinks it is more humane to allow him to die naturally in his own environment - where he is fed, watered, warm and safe.  I defer to him, because I can't stand the thought of intentionally killing an animal (costs $49 to have the vet do it!!!).  I think the stress of this situation is manifesting itself in my still, sore neck... so I need him to get on with it already!!!


Ran in shoes today.  Heart rate was slightly higher than when I run barefoot: 160ish bpm.  Still much lower than that 176 it was when I first started.  I think I'm doing the right thing by going slow.  Maybe by the fall I'll be able to run a decent pace again without wanting to kill myself the whole time.  


When I think back to the three years I spent trying so hard to be a runner, I know that I truly enjoyed running on very few occasions.  It was more a matter of sheer determination and will to accomplish what I wanted to accomplish.  A matter of pride in being able to tell people that I ran 5-12 miles.  A matter of obsession in burning calories or keeping to a training plan.  I started out with good motivation - wanting to run and enjoy it.  I had that very briefly until last summer when I became obsessive about it all.  I need to not be like that.  My family needs me to not be like that.  I am enjoying my workouts and my eating right now.  I'm not trying to lose weight, I'm trying to be healthy.  And truly, I don't NEED to lose weight... I'm good where I'm at.  I NEED to get my cholesterol lowered and to be in a place where I enjoy working out so I get the benefit of exercising everyday, but don't do it for fear that if I don't I'll get fatter.  I've been at this weight (although tend to gain 5lbs at christmas and then lose it in January) for 4 1/2 years, I think I can be confident that I no longer have to run away from those 15 pounds.