Day 15 - Monday July 29, 2013

A letter to my health coach - explains it all for today:

Hi Christene –

You mentioned the other day on the phone that you want to see how I do on a super clean diet.  The answer is: I sleep through the night entirely with no waking at all. 

We talked on the phone on Wednesday and I eliminated all sources of sugar from my diet on Thursday, with the exception of berries.  Otherwise, I just ate greens, proteins & berries.  Friday & Saturday I slept through the night without waking at all.

Yesterday we were at my in-laws for their anniversary.  They are horrible eaters – quite possibly the worst eaters I know.  There is not a vegetable or fruit to be found in their house.  Dave and I got there after a long afternoon appointment and were already running late for dinner.  They ordered me a salad for dinner, but did not get it without cheese.  So I removed as much of the bleu cheese as I could, but there was still a dusting of it as well as some grated parmesan (I think).  I’ve had this salad before, so the dressing has never been an issue (in terms of hidden gluten).  I also ate 3 Hooters chicken wings, which I carefully removed all coating from before I ate.  And then later in the evening, since I was starving, I grabbed some potato chips (I know I shouldn’t eat them, but honestly, it was the only thing in the house that I could reasonably eat and I was starving… I don’t normally like potato chips, so I wasn’t satisfying a craving).

And I woke up at 3:45 and didn’t get back to sleep until 5:45… slept until 6:45.  I took 10mg of Melatonin.  I tried reading.  I tried the meditations.  I tried watching boring tv.  Nothing worked – just a solid 2 hours of being wide awake.  Not thinking of anything except a song running through my head.  Not upset.  Not worried.   Not anxious.  Nothing.  Just wide awake.

I’m really, really upset.  I cannot make even the slightest mistake in my diet without suffering for it.  And the thought of living like this for the rest of my life is distressing – I’m missing out on some of my favorite things in life: ice cream dates with my girls, wine & cheese with my husband.

We are going on vacation on Friday.  I am committed to eating strictly greens, protein & berries from this point forward.  BUT, when I come home I want to be as aggressive as possible in getting rid of this.  If you believe that it is candida and that if we can get rid of it I can eventually live normally, then I want to get rid of it as quickly and aggressively as possible.  I would do so this week, but I don’t want to feel crappy on vacation… if you don’t think that will be an issue, then by all means lets start asap.

Could you put together a plan of action for me so I can start right away on Sunday the 11^th?  If possible, I’d like to be able to have what I need in the house already when I get back – so if you could do so by Wednesday night, then I can go out on Thursday if necessary.

If you’re uncomfortable with this, then I’ll need to go with plan B and have you help me find a whole health doctor in my area.

I know this is my fault for straying yesterday.  I felt like I didn’t have any options.  But it is still my responsibility.  So I’m angry with myself, but I really need to either get healthy, or be mentally okay with eating like this for the rest of my life.

Thanks!

Jana