Workout: Treadmill
Total Miles 33.05 miles
Speeds: 4.0/3.4/6.5
My head is so messed up over the idea of dieting, losing weight, being happy with my body, loving myself. Yesterday I started the day determined to hit WW hardcore for 6 weeks and as the day went on I liked the idea less and less. I have a hard time wrapping my brain around depriving myself, being so strict with everything and being so hungry all the time. I was hungry all day yesterday and by dinner time I wanted to eat everything. So by the end of the day I was feeling like I just needed to be happy with my body and stop thinking about my diet so much - why am I so controlled by all of this?
Then while I was running this morning, I decided that part of the problem is that I need to eat more often throughout the day so I'm not hungry all the time. The problem with that is that in order to stay within my points on a given day, my frequent meals need to be pretty small and that isn't going to keep me full or satisfied throughout the day. I've been comparing WW & fitday a little bit and it seems that a perfect day on WW (21-24 points) is going to be around 1000-1200 calories. That seems awfully low to me. When I was doing BFFM I was trying to eat around 1600-1800 calories/day. Maybe I should just count calories...? First I would need to find out how many I need in order to maintain and then cut.
But then I come back to I should be happy with my body. I should be content and love the fact that I can run for 45 minutes 3 days a week and lift pretty heavy weights. I am active and I can do anything that my children want me to do in terms of playing with them. I should be happy that I can pretty easily maintain 133lbs without really watching what I eat. I know how to eat healthy, I just need to choose the right things.
But then I look in the mirror this morning and see the layer of fat on my arms and shoulders and get kind of disgusted with myself for being unable to buckle down and do something about my weight.
But then I remember that even if I lose 10 pounds, my body will look the same - I'm not going to magically look like a model. My breasts aren't going to grow 2 cup sizes. My thighs and calves are not going to trim down to the point where I'm no longer bottom heavy. I will always have the same issues with finding jeans that fit - just in a smaller size. I tried really hard for 8 months to actually change the shape of my body and it got me nowhere except a little messed up in the head because of freeday. Maybe I should just focus on eating healthy instead.
But then I think while I'm running (it was a bit difficult this morning) that it would be much easier to run if I could lose 10 lbs.
***********************************************************************************
I do not understand why last week I was perfectly content with trying to love my body and no longer dieting - then by yesterday morning I'm almost obsessed with it all. I do not understand this. I don't want my girls to see me dieting for the rest of my life - I want them to see me eating wisely and healthily and living a healthy life. I need to get a handle on this.
Maybe I need to come up with some daily affirmations that I repeat to myself everyday - I think that is going to be my plan. Stop obsessing and start moving forward with my good self image.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Monday, February 18, 2008
February 18, 2008
Workout: Chest/Shoulders/Triceps
Squats: 200
weight: 133.2
Press: 3x15 @ #5
Butterfly: 3x13 @ #4
Military Press: 3x9 @ #1
Reverse Fly: 3x13 @ #3
Press Downs: 3x14 @ #3
BB Press: 3x13 @ 30lbs
There are 6 weeks before my birthday. I am going to hit this hard for 6 weeks and see where I end up. Ideally, I'd like to lose 2lbs a week for a total of 12, which would bring me down to 121.1. I will be happy with a loss of 1 lbs per week for a total of 6 bringing me down to 127.2. Either way, I want to hit this hard core for a short time period and be done with it. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of obssessing and trying to figure out what to do. It became clear to me over the last couple of weeks that I'm just incapable of making good choices on my own right now. I think my head is so screwed up from all this dieting over the last year... I need to bare down and be strict with myself for 6 weeks. So I'm going to track my food on weight watchers and on fitday.com. I'm a bit concerned that WW ultimately ends up being an unrealistically low number of calories every day - like 1000-1100. So I'm going to track in fitday also so I have a good idea of how many calories I'm consuming and how many I'm burning.
My biggest challenge, I believe, is going to be the weekends - and it always is. I've got it in my head that I don't need to count points over the weekend - because that is how I did it before and it worked. But that just isn't working for me anymore. I think if I hadn't done BFL/BFFM for so long maybe it would, but after viewing the weekend as FreeDay and eating whatever I want in whatever quantity I want it has messed up my head. This is where I need to really get with it and be serious about this.
I don't know what my ultimate goal is. I want to eat healthy and make healthy choices and I believe I need some rigorous training in that regard right now. I don't necessarily care about the actual weight number - I just don't want to be uncomfortable in my jeans like I was on Thursday. My head is really messed up and I'm not sure how to get it back on straight.
Squats: 200
weight: 133.2
Press: 3x15 @ #5
Butterfly: 3x13 @ #4
Military Press: 3x9 @ #1
Reverse Fly: 3x13 @ #3
Press Downs: 3x14 @ #3
BB Press: 3x13 @ 30lbs
There are 6 weeks before my birthday. I am going to hit this hard for 6 weeks and see where I end up. Ideally, I'd like to lose 2lbs a week for a total of 12, which would bring me down to 121.1. I will be happy with a loss of 1 lbs per week for a total of 6 bringing me down to 127.2. Either way, I want to hit this hard core for a short time period and be done with it. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of obssessing and trying to figure out what to do. It became clear to me over the last couple of weeks that I'm just incapable of making good choices on my own right now. I think my head is so screwed up from all this dieting over the last year... I need to bare down and be strict with myself for 6 weeks. So I'm going to track my food on weight watchers and on fitday.com. I'm a bit concerned that WW ultimately ends up being an unrealistically low number of calories every day - like 1000-1100. So I'm going to track in fitday also so I have a good idea of how many calories I'm consuming and how many I'm burning.
My biggest challenge, I believe, is going to be the weekends - and it always is. I've got it in my head that I don't need to count points over the weekend - because that is how I did it before and it worked. But that just isn't working for me anymore. I think if I hadn't done BFL/BFFM for so long maybe it would, but after viewing the weekend as FreeDay and eating whatever I want in whatever quantity I want it has messed up my head. This is where I need to really get with it and be serious about this.
I don't know what my ultimate goal is. I want to eat healthy and make healthy choices and I believe I need some rigorous training in that regard right now. I don't necessarily care about the actual weight number - I just don't want to be uncomfortable in my jeans like I was on Thursday. My head is really messed up and I'm not sure how to get it back on straight.
Friday, February 15, 2008
W6D40
Beginning Date: January 7, 2008
Ending Date: March 30, 2008
Total miles: 29.30miles
Total squats: 4000
Workout: Back/Biceps
Woke up late this morning so I only got the back/biceps/squats in - I skipped the body weight exercises that I normally do with this workout. My workout was decent - I just have a hard time feeling that it was a GREAT workout since it isn't as amazingly hard as it used to be with the BFFM workouts.
Yesterday I ran on the treamill - 3.755 miles in 45:00. I increased my speed to 5.4 mph for the entire running time except for the last 3 minutes that were at 6.5. This speed was a tad more difficult than 5.3 but not as laboring as 5.5. I think it was a good speed. Now I need to acclimate to this speed and increase again after that.
I think I'm pretty close to deciding to go hardcore Weight Watchers beginning next week. I have to fully commit, though, or it just isn't worth it. I may have to revise my goal weight. I'm finding that if I don't have the discipline of the scheduled eating and points then I just end up eating crap - like jelly beans, or pizza, or any manner of things. I tried having a bunch of fruit in the house and snacking on that and I did well with that until I brought the jelly beans in and decided that I wanted just one more scoop of ice cream at night...
I wouldn't say that I've been out of control or "all or nothing" but I think mainly I just want to get to about 125/130 and maintain that instead of maintaining 130/135. Five pounds makes a huge difference on my body and the way my clothes fit. Actually, I'm finding that 2-3 pounds makes a huge difference in how my clothes fit - which is why I'm willing to go back to WW for these 5-10 pounds. I just don't know if its realistic for me to be 115 or 105 (my ideal weight for my height according to everything I read). Would I love to be 105? Sure, but how in the world would I live life, love life and still maintain that weight? I think it would be miserable actually.
And I do want to make healthy choices rather than eating "treats". Part of my problem right now is that since I'm not on a structured plan, I give myself excuses to treat myself to jelly beans - thats my biggest problem. So I need some will power in the form of stopping myself from buying them to begin with and justifying the reason why I am doing it.
If I'm going to fully commit to WW for the next 6 weeks, I'm going to have to take some time over the weekend and totally plan things out. I may not be able to have a freer weekend than my weekdays. I may have to actually count points over the weekend rather than stopping on Friday night. That is always the difficult part for me - I don't want to count points over the weekend, but I may have to give in and understand that it is going to be necessary for success this time around... I still question, though, if I will be able to maintain whatever weight I get to after I get there if I don't stay on a structured plan. Honestly, I don't want to count points for the rest of my life. I want to make a lifestyle change - I don't want sugar to be so obssessive for me... I never craved sugar while I was doing BFL/BFFM, but I can't go back to that I don't think...
As I was telling Kim the other day, I think that WW gives me an excuse to make unhealthy choices. I can eat shit as long as I count the points and they fit within my daily allowance. That is not healthy eating. I want to just always eat healthy with maybe one or two free meals a week. This sucks.
Ending Date: March 30, 2008
Total miles: 29.30miles
Total squats: 4000
Workout: Back/Biceps
Woke up late this morning so I only got the back/biceps/squats in - I skipped the body weight exercises that I normally do with this workout. My workout was decent - I just have a hard time feeling that it was a GREAT workout since it isn't as amazingly hard as it used to be with the BFFM workouts.
Yesterday I ran on the treamill - 3.755 miles in 45:00. I increased my speed to 5.4 mph for the entire running time except for the last 3 minutes that were at 6.5. This speed was a tad more difficult than 5.3 but not as laboring as 5.5. I think it was a good speed. Now I need to acclimate to this speed and increase again after that.
I think I'm pretty close to deciding to go hardcore Weight Watchers beginning next week. I have to fully commit, though, or it just isn't worth it. I may have to revise my goal weight. I'm finding that if I don't have the discipline of the scheduled eating and points then I just end up eating crap - like jelly beans, or pizza, or any manner of things. I tried having a bunch of fruit in the house and snacking on that and I did well with that until I brought the jelly beans in and decided that I wanted just one more scoop of ice cream at night...
I wouldn't say that I've been out of control or "all or nothing" but I think mainly I just want to get to about 125/130 and maintain that instead of maintaining 130/135. Five pounds makes a huge difference on my body and the way my clothes fit. Actually, I'm finding that 2-3 pounds makes a huge difference in how my clothes fit - which is why I'm willing to go back to WW for these 5-10 pounds. I just don't know if its realistic for me to be 115 or 105 (my ideal weight for my height according to everything I read). Would I love to be 105? Sure, but how in the world would I live life, love life and still maintain that weight? I think it would be miserable actually.
And I do want to make healthy choices rather than eating "treats". Part of my problem right now is that since I'm not on a structured plan, I give myself excuses to treat myself to jelly beans - thats my biggest problem. So I need some will power in the form of stopping myself from buying them to begin with and justifying the reason why I am doing it.
If I'm going to fully commit to WW for the next 6 weeks, I'm going to have to take some time over the weekend and totally plan things out. I may not be able to have a freer weekend than my weekdays. I may have to actually count points over the weekend rather than stopping on Friday night. That is always the difficult part for me - I don't want to count points over the weekend, but I may have to give in and understand that it is going to be necessary for success this time around... I still question, though, if I will be able to maintain whatever weight I get to after I get there if I don't stay on a structured plan. Honestly, I don't want to count points for the rest of my life. I want to make a lifestyle change - I don't want sugar to be so obssessive for me... I never craved sugar while I was doing BFL/BFFM, but I can't go back to that I don't think...
As I was telling Kim the other day, I think that WW gives me an excuse to make unhealthy choices. I can eat shit as long as I count the points and they fit within my daily allowance. That is not healthy eating. I want to just always eat healthy with maybe one or two free meals a week. This sucks.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
W6D37
Beginning Date: January 7, 2008
Ending Date: March 30, 2008
Total miles: 25.55 miles
Total squats: 3700
Workout: treadmill
Distance: 2.55 miles
Time: 30:00
Speeds: 4.0/5.5/6.0
I woke up in time but after putting a load of laundry in the washer, hanging up some pictures in the bathroom and watching the weather report on tv I didn't get started running until 6:10. I really like to be finished no later than 6:45 so I can do my devotions in peace before taking a shower and the girls getting up. So I opted to cut my running short rather than skip devotions.
I increased my speed to 5.5mph. Ouch - it was tougher. I should probably stick with 5.3 for most of the running and increase it for a couple of minutes in the last running stretch (besides my last lap sprint) and work my way up that way. I don't want to overdo it or injure myself of jeopardize my enjoyment of running at this point:) It is interesting to me that .2mph makes that big of a difference - it does, I could feel it in my breathing and laboring. I think it is important to increase at some point, but I recognize (after today) that I need to do so gradually.
Ending Date: March 30, 2008
Total miles: 25.55 miles
Total squats: 3700
Workout: treadmill
Distance: 2.55 miles
Time: 30:00
Speeds: 4.0/5.5/6.0
I woke up in time but after putting a load of laundry in the washer, hanging up some pictures in the bathroom and watching the weather report on tv I didn't get started running until 6:10. I really like to be finished no later than 6:45 so I can do my devotions in peace before taking a shower and the girls getting up. So I opted to cut my running short rather than skip devotions.
I increased my speed to 5.5mph. Ouch - it was tougher. I should probably stick with 5.3 for most of the running and increase it for a couple of minutes in the last running stretch (besides my last lap sprint) and work my way up that way. I don't want to overdo it or injure myself of jeopardize my enjoyment of running at this point:) It is interesting to me that .2mph makes that big of a difference - it does, I could feel it in my breathing and laboring. I think it is important to increase at some point, but I recognize (after today) that I need to do so gradually.
Monday, February 11, 2008
W6D36
Beginning Date: January 7, 2008
Ending Date: March 30, 2008
Total miles: 22.75 miles
Total squats: 3600
Workout: Chest/Shoulders/Triceps
Weight: 132.8
Chest Press: 3x15 @ #5
Butterfly:
Military Press:
Reverse Fly:
Press Down:
BB Press:
I did complete my workout, I just don't remember what I did. I'll have to get my journal out and post it later - I don't feel like going up to grab it right now.
My weight is down this morning. I'm not sure if that is due to actually losing some weight last week or if last week's weight was indeed higher due to TOM & water retention. I did not do WW last week, but did not overdo it at all. I was trying to just eat in a healthier manner. It was difficult since I felt like snacking a lot and didn't have any healthy snacks in the house (mainly crackers).
Over the weekend I went out and bought a ton of fruit and want to use that as snacks instead. I have been lacking on my fruits & veggies for the last year. Mainly because fruit is bad for WW & for BFFM/BFL. Too many carbs. Too many points. I'm thinking thats crap and I'd like to try to get my 4-5 servings in every day, rather than the one apple I've allowed myself for the last year. Its all about eating a more healthy/balanced diet and choosing healthy foods rather than easy, quick foods. Fruit is going to be a better snack because 1) its healthy 2) it takes longer to eat than a handful of cheese crackers or goldfish 3) it actually might even taste better than crackers (although nothing is really in season right now so thats a big MIGHT). The biggest hangup I have about this is that I'm going to have to go to the grocery store every couple of days to keep the house stocked... and its rather expensive.
Some day I will work on veggies. Right now I've been doing well with water and am working on fruit. I have carrots and some frozen veggies, but I should try to incorporate some more. I'm trying to figure out what I can grow this summer and where I can grow it. I'm looking forward to fresh tomatos again - mmmm! Its all a work in progress.
Ending Date: March 30, 2008
Total miles: 22.75 miles
Total squats: 3600
Workout: Chest/Shoulders/Triceps
Weight: 132.8
Chest Press: 3x15 @ #5
Butterfly:
Military Press:
Reverse Fly:
Press Down:
BB Press:
I did complete my workout, I just don't remember what I did. I'll have to get my journal out and post it later - I don't feel like going up to grab it right now.
My weight is down this morning. I'm not sure if that is due to actually losing some weight last week or if last week's weight was indeed higher due to TOM & water retention. I did not do WW last week, but did not overdo it at all. I was trying to just eat in a healthier manner. It was difficult since I felt like snacking a lot and didn't have any healthy snacks in the house (mainly crackers).
Over the weekend I went out and bought a ton of fruit and want to use that as snacks instead. I have been lacking on my fruits & veggies for the last year. Mainly because fruit is bad for WW & for BFFM/BFL. Too many carbs. Too many points. I'm thinking thats crap and I'd like to try to get my 4-5 servings in every day, rather than the one apple I've allowed myself for the last year. Its all about eating a more healthy/balanced diet and choosing healthy foods rather than easy, quick foods. Fruit is going to be a better snack because 1) its healthy 2) it takes longer to eat than a handful of cheese crackers or goldfish 3) it actually might even taste better than crackers (although nothing is really in season right now so thats a big MIGHT). The biggest hangup I have about this is that I'm going to have to go to the grocery store every couple of days to keep the house stocked... and its rather expensive.
Some day I will work on veggies. Right now I've been doing well with water and am working on fruit. I have carrots and some frozen veggies, but I should try to incorporate some more. I'm trying to figure out what I can grow this summer and where I can grow it. I'm looking forward to fresh tomatos again - mmmm! Its all a work in progress.
Saturday, February 9, 2008
W5D34
Beginning Date: January 7, 2008
Ending Date: March 30, 2008
Total miles: 22.75 miles
Total squats: 3400
Workout: Treadmill
Distance: 3.75 miles
Time: 45:01
Speeds: 4.0/5.3/5.4/6.5
Today's run was even better than Thursday's. I changed my cd a bit - removed some dead songs and added London Bridge by Fergie and a couple of Beyonce songs. It rocked. Seriously. And the cd ended right as I was finishing the 3.75 miles so it was perfect in many aspects. I'm really, really enjoying running like I never have before. I'm not watching the clock, I'm not wishing I was done and could take a drink, I'm not stopping excessively for water breaks, I'm not laboring - I'm running and don't even realize what I'm doing when I'm doing it. My breathing is easier and not labored, the time goes by fast and it is enjoyable. Whew! I thought I would never enjoy it.
I'm going to have to keep an updated list of songs on itunes so I can keep creating new cds and changing the song order around which will help me run for longer and longer periods of time - today I ran much longer than my usual 3/4 mile at one stretch all because I was running to the music. I have certain songs filled in as my walking songs - No One by Alicia Keys (4min) and Sexyback by JT (4 min) which are a little too slow, but are favorites. They are a little longer than the amount of time it takes for me to walk 1/4 mile so I end up running at the end of the song But I have put them in there specifically as my walking songs - so the goal is to keep creating cds that have more/longer songs in between the walking songs.
I did legs yesterday - not sure why I never got around to posting my workout. It was fine. I've continued to do my 100 squats per day. It is a nice bonus to do squats on the treadmill after I'm done running - I can do them to the music and enjoy the cool down after a fantastic workout.
I'm so excited about this running thing. I want to be a runner. I want to run distance, but I just hated it so much. I'm finally truly enjoying it - like seriously enjoying it. I can see that I will easily be able to increase distance and speed by listening to this kind of music. Its fun - although Dave says I'm not running, I'm dancing. WhatEVer:)
Ending Date: March 30, 2008
Total miles: 22.75 miles
Total squats: 3400
Workout: Treadmill
Distance: 3.75 miles
Time: 45:01
Speeds: 4.0/5.3/5.4/6.5
Today's run was even better than Thursday's. I changed my cd a bit - removed some dead songs and added London Bridge by Fergie and a couple of Beyonce songs. It rocked. Seriously. And the cd ended right as I was finishing the 3.75 miles so it was perfect in many aspects. I'm really, really enjoying running like I never have before. I'm not watching the clock, I'm not wishing I was done and could take a drink, I'm not stopping excessively for water breaks, I'm not laboring - I'm running and don't even realize what I'm doing when I'm doing it. My breathing is easier and not labored, the time goes by fast and it is enjoyable. Whew! I thought I would never enjoy it.
I'm going to have to keep an updated list of songs on itunes so I can keep creating new cds and changing the song order around which will help me run for longer and longer periods of time - today I ran much longer than my usual 3/4 mile at one stretch all because I was running to the music. I have certain songs filled in as my walking songs - No One by Alicia Keys (4min) and Sexyback by JT (4 min) which are a little too slow, but are favorites. They are a little longer than the amount of time it takes for me to walk 1/4 mile so I end up running at the end of the song But I have put them in there specifically as my walking songs - so the goal is to keep creating cds that have more/longer songs in between the walking songs.
I did legs yesterday - not sure why I never got around to posting my workout. It was fine. I've continued to do my 100 squats per day. It is a nice bonus to do squats on the treadmill after I'm done running - I can do them to the music and enjoy the cool down after a fantastic workout.
I'm so excited about this running thing. I want to be a runner. I want to run distance, but I just hated it so much. I'm finally truly enjoying it - like seriously enjoying it. I can see that I will easily be able to increase distance and speed by listening to this kind of music. Its fun - although Dave says I'm not running, I'm dancing. WhatEVer:)
Thursday, February 7, 2008
W5D32
Beginning Date: January 7, 2008
Ending Date: March 30, 2008
Total miles: 22.75 miles
Total squats: 3200
Workout: Treadmill
Distance: 3.75miles
Time: 45:20
Speeds: 4.0/5.3/6.5
That was by far the best run I have had in a long, long time. I had finished my book on cd and haven't been able to get to the library due to Dave's schedule & the snow. So I burned a mix cd of dance songs. Holy cow was it awesome! First of all, I wanted to jump off of the treadmill and dance the entire time - and I fully intend to have a dance party with the girls today. Second, the running time flew by. I wasn't watching the clock or the distance counter to see when I could hop off for a drink or go back down to walking. I ran over my intended distance because I wanted to run to the end of the song. Consequently I ran 3 3/4 miles this morning rather than 3 1/2. I'm very excited about this. I hardly felt like I was running! I do need to go back to itunes and tweak the playlist a little bit at the end - change the order of some songs so that I'm not running to Color Me Badd's All 4 Love (more of a walking song). But it rocked!
Ending Date: March 30, 2008
Total miles: 22.75 miles
Total squats: 3200
Workout: Treadmill
Distance: 3.75miles
Time: 45:20
Speeds: 4.0/5.3/6.5
That was by far the best run I have had in a long, long time. I had finished my book on cd and haven't been able to get to the library due to Dave's schedule & the snow. So I burned a mix cd of dance songs. Holy cow was it awesome! First of all, I wanted to jump off of the treadmill and dance the entire time - and I fully intend to have a dance party with the girls today. Second, the running time flew by. I wasn't watching the clock or the distance counter to see when I could hop off for a drink or go back down to walking. I ran over my intended distance because I wanted to run to the end of the song. Consequently I ran 3 3/4 miles this morning rather than 3 1/2. I'm very excited about this. I hardly felt like I was running! I do need to go back to itunes and tweak the playlist a little bit at the end - change the order of some songs so that I'm not running to Color Me Badd's All 4 Love (more of a walking song). But it rocked!
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
W5D31
Beginning Date: January 7, 2008
Ending Date: March 30, 2008
Total miles: 19 miles
Total squats: 3100
Workout: Back/Biceps/Bodyweight
Lat pull down - 3x13 @ #5
Reverse Cybex Row: 3x13 @ #5
Lying DB Hammer Curl: 13, 12, 8 @ 14lbs
21's: 3x1 @ 18lbs
Push ups with feet elevated: 15, 12, 11
Dips: 3x10
Pull ups: attempted - 1/2
Ending Date: March 30, 2008
Total miles: 19 miles
Total squats: 3100
Workout: Back/Biceps/Bodyweight
Lat pull down - 3x13 @ #5
Reverse Cybex Row: 3x13 @ #5
Lying DB Hammer Curl: 13, 12, 8 @ 14lbs
21's: 3x1 @ 18lbs
Push ups with feet elevated: 15, 12, 11
Dips: 3x10
Pull ups: attempted - 1/2
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
W5D30
Beginning Date: January 7, 2008
Ending Date: March 30, 2008
Total miles: 19 miles
Total squats: 3000
Workout: Treadmill
Distance: 2.5 miles
Time: 30:00
Speeds: 4.0/5.3/6.3
Woke up late this morning and only got 30 minutes of running in rather than 45. So 2.5 miles instead of 3.6. I'm okay with that. On days like this I'm glad that I got up and did something rather than excused myself to lay in bed and do nothing (my back is wrenched from shoveling snow yesterday). Did my 100 squats after running. Done.
I didn't count points yesterday. Part of the problem is that I still have too much superbowl food in the house. I hate that. And I hate that I have a hard time resisting it. I don't have a problem with binging on it, but I have a taste here or there throughout the day. Then I feel guilty about it. I think one thing that I need to end is the guilt. Seriously - do I need to feel guilty for eating an apple or a banana? That what it comes down to when dieting... I should be able to eat fruit without feeling like I just wrecked my day. In fact, I should add more fruit to my day. And more veggies. But feeling guilty about eating them has got to go.
I need to revamp my thinking about food/health. I need to stop viewing food as the calories/points/carb/protein content. Start looking at it as fuel and healthy or not healthy. And simply make good choices.
I'm going to try to cultivate some new habits:
* Drink tons of water throughout the day - even on the weekends. I want to drink at least 1 16oz glass of water before every meal and between any meals. Ideally, I would like to drink a glass of water first before grabbing anything to eat. I find that usually when I am craving something or my mouth feels like I need to eat something it is more because I'm dehydrated and thirsty, rather than hungry or actually craving something. It is more a feeling I have in my mouth, which is why I end up grabbing a bite of something or a snack - I need to be aware of that and drink instead. AND I need to be proactive and drink lots and lots of water throughout the day so I don't get that feeling to begin with.
* Eating slower. If I really sit down and think about it, I'm not sure I truly taste my food. I think I enjoy texture and some of the flavor, but I don't savor food and I don't taste all of the flavors. I usually eat while doing something else - reading, mostly - which means I'm not focusing on the food, my hunger, my satisfaction, etc. I want to work on eating smaller portions, putting my fork/spoon down between each bite, concentrating on the flavor of the food in my mouth.
These are things that are not very natural for me and I'm going to have to really work hard to turn them into habits. I want to drink a ton of water without coloring squares on graph paper - I want it to just be part of life - like working out is. I think it is essential for me to change the way I view food - I have three little girls who are observing me and learning from me. If I am constantly turning away food because it is too many points, too many carbs, etc, then I am teaching them poor habits. I need them to see me making healthy choices all the time. They already ask me if the food they are eating is healthy - I think that is good and I'm glad they ask those questions. I want them to lead healthy lifestyles where they don't get obssessed over weight or their bodies. I need to model that for them, too.
Ending Date: March 30, 2008
Total miles: 19 miles
Total squats: 3000
Workout: Treadmill
Distance: 2.5 miles
Time: 30:00
Speeds: 4.0/5.3/6.3
Woke up late this morning and only got 30 minutes of running in rather than 45. So 2.5 miles instead of 3.6. I'm okay with that. On days like this I'm glad that I got up and did something rather than excused myself to lay in bed and do nothing (my back is wrenched from shoveling snow yesterday). Did my 100 squats after running. Done.
I didn't count points yesterday. Part of the problem is that I still have too much superbowl food in the house. I hate that. And I hate that I have a hard time resisting it. I don't have a problem with binging on it, but I have a taste here or there throughout the day. Then I feel guilty about it. I think one thing that I need to end is the guilt. Seriously - do I need to feel guilty for eating an apple or a banana? That what it comes down to when dieting... I should be able to eat fruit without feeling like I just wrecked my day. In fact, I should add more fruit to my day. And more veggies. But feeling guilty about eating them has got to go.
I need to revamp my thinking about food/health. I need to stop viewing food as the calories/points/carb/protein content. Start looking at it as fuel and healthy or not healthy. And simply make good choices.
I'm going to try to cultivate some new habits:
* Drink tons of water throughout the day - even on the weekends. I want to drink at least 1 16oz glass of water before every meal and between any meals. Ideally, I would like to drink a glass of water first before grabbing anything to eat. I find that usually when I am craving something or my mouth feels like I need to eat something it is more because I'm dehydrated and thirsty, rather than hungry or actually craving something. It is more a feeling I have in my mouth, which is why I end up grabbing a bite of something or a snack - I need to be aware of that and drink instead. AND I need to be proactive and drink lots and lots of water throughout the day so I don't get that feeling to begin with.
* Eating slower. If I really sit down and think about it, I'm not sure I truly taste my food. I think I enjoy texture and some of the flavor, but I don't savor food and I don't taste all of the flavors. I usually eat while doing something else - reading, mostly - which means I'm not focusing on the food, my hunger, my satisfaction, etc. I want to work on eating smaller portions, putting my fork/spoon down between each bite, concentrating on the flavor of the food in my mouth.
These are things that are not very natural for me and I'm going to have to really work hard to turn them into habits. I want to drink a ton of water without coloring squares on graph paper - I want it to just be part of life - like working out is. I think it is essential for me to change the way I view food - I have three little girls who are observing me and learning from me. If I am constantly turning away food because it is too many points, too many carbs, etc, then I am teaching them poor habits. I need them to see me making healthy choices all the time. They already ask me if the food they are eating is healthy - I think that is good and I'm glad they ask those questions. I want them to lead healthy lifestyles where they don't get obssessed over weight or their bodies. I need to model that for them, too.
Monday, February 4, 2008
W5D29
Beginning Date: January 7, 2008
Ending Date: March 30, 2008
Total miles: 16.51 miles
Total squats: 2900
Weight: 132.6 (Monday)
Goal: 115
Workout: Chest/Shoulders/Triceps
Weight: 134.2
Goal: 115
Chest Press: 15, 12, 10 @ #5
Butterfly: 12, 10, 10 @ #4
Military Press: 9,9,8 @ #1
Reverse Fly: 3x15 @ #2
Press Down: 3x12 @ #3
BB Press: 3x12 @ 30lbs
I'm caught up on my squats!!!! Now I am only obligated to do 100 each day - that will be strange now that I'm kind of used to doing 200/day. Whatever, I'm proud of myself for catching up! It was tough:)
Weighed in this morning - not good. 134.2. I think my weekend in Memphis has caught up to me in addition to it being TOM. Oh, and the superbowl party last night didn't help at all.
I've been thinking about things... I've been trying to lose these last 10-15 pregnancy pounds for over a year now. I need to make a decision - I have to either get super serious about WW for the next 6 weeks OR be satisfied with weighing between 130-135 lbs and work out regularly, but no longer diet or try to lose weight. This is getting to the point of absurdity. I do NOT want to be the woman who is always trying to lose 10 lbs and I feel like that is what I'm becoming. I struggle with several issues:
* I can pretty easily maintain 130-135 without dieting, but with exercise
* When I look over the "low cholesterol diet choices" sheet that the dr gave me, we already make those choices - we rarely eat red meat (MAYBE once a week, but not usually), we choose lean cuts of meat, whole grains, veggies, no fried foods, no sugar cereals, sugar is limited, etc. etc. The only bad choice according to the worksheet is ice cream - and WW or no WW I'm not willing to give up ice cream for the rest of my life (why did I ever have to get pregnant? I never cared about ice cream before then, now I NEED it).
* While dieting - WW, BFFM or BFL - I find that I feel entitled to indulge in horrible food over the weekend because I've given it up during the week. I end up over doing it on Sat night/Sunday and ruin any progress I may have made during the week.
* My self confidence is based more on regularly working out, rather than my weight.
* Even if I weigh 120/115 I will not look fabulous in a swim suit and my problem areas (hips/thighs) will not magically go away - they'll just be a little smaller
* Even if I weigh 115/120 I will not have ripped arms like I dream of having
* What will life be like once I get down to that weight? In other words, what will I need to do to maintain it?
* As I get older and my metabolism changes, will I have a harder time maintaining 130/135?
* I spent 8 months living BFFM/BFL and I really believe that the concept is the best: 5-6 small meals /day made up of lean protein & complex carbs & veggies, eating enough calories to support the intense workouts. I really, really honestly believe it is the best way to be eating, but I can't do it anymore - it isn't practical for my life right now
* I am really sick of worrying about everything that I put in my mouth - regardless of whether I'm thinking about points or the macronutrient ratio of the food I'm eating
* I find that when I go to something like a superbowl party, I over indulge because I feel like I can't have those foods everyday, so I'd better "stock up" while I am giving myself permission - so I end up eating 3-4 cookies instead of just one
* I worry that if I stop WW and just eat whatever that I will eventually put on weight - that the discipline of trying to lose weight is what is helping me maintain
* Dave doesn't care if I lose any more weight
* My jeans are uncomfortable at 134.2 - so 130 is a very comfortable weight for me
I don't know what the right answer is. I feel like I would like to just hunker down and be serious about WW for 6 weeks - that means that our date nights would have to be somewhere like Applebees or Subway or something like that so I can count the points and not overindulge. Dave is totally fine with it. I'm going to see how it goes this week, I guess. If I give it a real try for 6 weeks I could lose 6-12 pounds, which would bring me down to 122/128 - either of which would be very comfortable. The problem is that 5 lbs on my body is a HUGE difference in terms of clothing size. So I guess for now the answer is I'll see how this week goes and think about it some more.
Ending Date: March 30, 2008
Total miles: 16.51 miles
Total squats: 2900
Weight: 132.6 (Monday)
Goal: 115
Workout: Chest/Shoulders/Triceps
Weight: 134.2
Goal: 115
Chest Press: 15, 12, 10 @ #5
Butterfly: 12, 10, 10 @ #4
Military Press: 9,9,8 @ #1
Reverse Fly: 3x15 @ #2
Press Down: 3x12 @ #3
BB Press: 3x12 @ 30lbs
I'm caught up on my squats!!!! Now I am only obligated to do 100 each day - that will be strange now that I'm kind of used to doing 200/day. Whatever, I'm proud of myself for catching up! It was tough:)
Weighed in this morning - not good. 134.2. I think my weekend in Memphis has caught up to me in addition to it being TOM. Oh, and the superbowl party last night didn't help at all.
I've been thinking about things... I've been trying to lose these last 10-15 pregnancy pounds for over a year now. I need to make a decision - I have to either get super serious about WW for the next 6 weeks OR be satisfied with weighing between 130-135 lbs and work out regularly, but no longer diet or try to lose weight. This is getting to the point of absurdity. I do NOT want to be the woman who is always trying to lose 10 lbs and I feel like that is what I'm becoming. I struggle with several issues:
* I can pretty easily maintain 130-135 without dieting, but with exercise
* When I look over the "low cholesterol diet choices" sheet that the dr gave me, we already make those choices - we rarely eat red meat (MAYBE once a week, but not usually), we choose lean cuts of meat, whole grains, veggies, no fried foods, no sugar cereals, sugar is limited, etc. etc. The only bad choice according to the worksheet is ice cream - and WW or no WW I'm not willing to give up ice cream for the rest of my life (why did I ever have to get pregnant? I never cared about ice cream before then, now I NEED it).
* While dieting - WW, BFFM or BFL - I find that I feel entitled to indulge in horrible food over the weekend because I've given it up during the week. I end up over doing it on Sat night/Sunday and ruin any progress I may have made during the week.
* My self confidence is based more on regularly working out, rather than my weight.
* Even if I weigh 120/115 I will not look fabulous in a swim suit and my problem areas (hips/thighs) will not magically go away - they'll just be a little smaller
* Even if I weigh 115/120 I will not have ripped arms like I dream of having
* What will life be like once I get down to that weight? In other words, what will I need to do to maintain it?
* As I get older and my metabolism changes, will I have a harder time maintaining 130/135?
* I spent 8 months living BFFM/BFL and I really believe that the concept is the best: 5-6 small meals /day made up of lean protein & complex carbs & veggies, eating enough calories to support the intense workouts. I really, really honestly believe it is the best way to be eating, but I can't do it anymore - it isn't practical for my life right now
* I am really sick of worrying about everything that I put in my mouth - regardless of whether I'm thinking about points or the macronutrient ratio of the food I'm eating
* I find that when I go to something like a superbowl party, I over indulge because I feel like I can't have those foods everyday, so I'd better "stock up" while I am giving myself permission - so I end up eating 3-4 cookies instead of just one
* I worry that if I stop WW and just eat whatever that I will eventually put on weight - that the discipline of trying to lose weight is what is helping me maintain
* Dave doesn't care if I lose any more weight
* My jeans are uncomfortable at 134.2 - so 130 is a very comfortable weight for me
I don't know what the right answer is. I feel like I would like to just hunker down and be serious about WW for 6 weeks - that means that our date nights would have to be somewhere like Applebees or Subway or something like that so I can count the points and not overindulge. Dave is totally fine with it. I'm going to see how it goes this week, I guess. If I give it a real try for 6 weeks I could lose 6-12 pounds, which would bring me down to 122/128 - either of which would be very comfortable. The problem is that 5 lbs on my body is a HUGE difference in terms of clothing size. So I guess for now the answer is I'll see how this week goes and think about it some more.
Friday, February 1, 2008
W4D26
Beginning Date: January 7, 2008
Ending Date: March 30, 2008
Total miles: 16.51 miles
Total squats: 2200
Weight: 132.6 (Monday)
Goal: 115
Workout: shoveling snow
I got up to workout this morning - got dressed, shoes on, ready to go downstairs - and decided that I should shovel snow instead. We had probably 6-8 inches and I knew the driveway should be shoveled before Dave left for work. He had wanted to do it, but I told him that running was a better workout (his running day today) and that I would do it instead. I never mind shoveling snow... Today, though, I only got half of the driveway done in 50 minutes. Holy cow. The snow was light, but there was soooo much of it and I ran out of space to put it. I am going to go out again in a few minutes to shovel the rest - I'm just aprehensive about leaving Georgia basically unsupervised in the house (Nora and Ryann = not so good at supervising... TV = good for a short time).
Finished my squats last night before bed. I can really feel my right hip flexor is pulled or something. I will do 200 today at some point. Not sure if I'm going to make time to go down & lift for legs today (workout I was planning for this morning).
Ending Date: March 30, 2008
Total miles: 16.51 miles
Total squats: 2200
Weight: 132.6 (Monday)
Goal: 115
Workout: shoveling snow
I got up to workout this morning - got dressed, shoes on, ready to go downstairs - and decided that I should shovel snow instead. We had probably 6-8 inches and I knew the driveway should be shoveled before Dave left for work. He had wanted to do it, but I told him that running was a better workout (his running day today) and that I would do it instead. I never mind shoveling snow... Today, though, I only got half of the driveway done in 50 minutes. Holy cow. The snow was light, but there was soooo much of it and I ran out of space to put it. I am going to go out again in a few minutes to shovel the rest - I'm just aprehensive about leaving Georgia basically unsupervised in the house (Nora and Ryann = not so good at supervising... TV = good for a short time).
Finished my squats last night before bed. I can really feel my right hip flexor is pulled or something. I will do 200 today at some point. Not sure if I'm going to make time to go down & lift for legs today (workout I was planning for this morning).
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