Day 30

Beginning Date: April 30, 2007
Ending Date: July 20, 2007

Day 30 -

Workout: UBWO

We're beginning week 5 right now... Did not take photos or measurements over the weekend because of the holiday weekend. I gave in and made yesterday (Memorial Day) a free day also - although it wasn't quite as obnoxious as Sunday. I just allowed myself to eat when I wanted to rather than on schedule and to have a few cheetos and a cookie here and there. Nothing major, but didn't stay on plan, either. I started out doing well, but we were working in the bedroom and it just wasn't going to happen. I need my routine - thats all there is to it.

I told Cornbread yesterday that if I don't see any changes at the end of these 12 weeks - not necessarily in the weight number, but SEE changes in my photos - I'm going back to Weight Watchers. I'll continue to do the workouts the same way and I'll try to incorporate the diet as much as possible, but I am beginning to freak out a little bit, truthfully. I keep telling myself that I have to have faith that this is going to work... I just didn't want to be this big fat lard for the summer, but oh well - its not as if things would have been a whole lot different if I wasn't doing this.

All I know is that I don't want to be someone who is "trying to lose weight" for the rest of my life. I want to either get down to the weight/body that I desire and stay there or be happy with how I am. I see so many women who have been "trying to lose weight" for 20 years and it is just a constant struggle and always a part of their lives. I would like to get to a point where I am just exercising to maintain and really seeing food as fuel and as a necessary part of my daily life - rather than living for eating. I'm sick of being controlled by food... and that is what I like about BFL - I don't feel controlled by food. On my free days, I do... but I can't give up my free days. It is such a hard balance to strike. I'm going to have to come on here every day to give myself a pep talk about food = fuel, rather than my god-given right to eat whatever I want and to give into my sugar cravings.